Sometimes a few years can feel like a lifetime. Nine years ago today I earned this medal at Warrior Dash. Three miles, leaping over fire, swimming in freezing water, army crawling through mud, hauling myself up and over obstacles. It was a bucket list thing for me and I loved it. I didn't know that only a couple of years later I would end up in a place with my health where walking from my bed to the living room would be too painful to accomplish without pausing to take deep breaths.
Warrior Dash day was the day I realized that my fear of heights was much greater than I had imagined, but that I could overcome it. It was also the day it became clear that something had changed. The course took me forever to complete, not because I hadn't trained to run that far, but because my muscles were so weak. Even low obstacles were almost impossible as both my arms and legs just didn't seem to have any muscle strength. I didn't know then that I had lipedema.
In the back of my mind, I have a secret hope that I'll be able to do another mud run. Is that a realistic goal? I don't know. Right now, it's not possible. I spend many hours addressing my health. I eat right. I take supplements. I do all kinds of therapies, painful and less painful.
Right now there aren't a lot of answers for me or other women who have lipedema. There isn't much help for reversing what it's done to our bodies. For now, some of us are able to exercise like maniacs, but some of us just aren't, no matter how much we wish we could or what steps we take. Maybe one day. For now, I'll have to be a warrior of a different kind.